I remember the days. Days when two small boys were all up in my business. Every moment. Every day. Vying for my attention. “Look, Mommy. Look!” Touching me. Holding me. Pulling my pant legs. Silly songs. Foolish pretending. Too loud in public. All. Day. Long. Every. Day. Without. Rest. I remember seeing older women watching. Smiling. Enjoying the boys’ banter.
Now I am that woman. Watching a mom ignore her small children while texting or surfing. Hearing her irritated voice as she interacts with them. And I want to shout! They are going to disappear! Don’t take this precious time for granted!
No one told me. When these boys grow up and begin to shoulder the responsibility of life, they are forever altered. The sweet innocence of childhood is gone. Gone forever. These boys of mine. They are different. Their eyes are loaded. Loaded with life. Responsibility. Their hearts are guarded. Guarded because they are aware of evil. Gone are the days of carefree laughter and long days of pretend play. Gone are the days of thousands of smiles- just because. They are happy. Yes. Amazing human beings. Talented. Loved. Loving. Kind. But they are different.
“Unless we become like little children,” the Bible says. Are our eyes loaded with life? Are our hearts guarded and protective? Can we go back to the days of being carefree children? Spontaneously gut laughing? Truly trusting that our Father will always “work all things for good?” Can we “Rest” in His works? Can we “Dwell”in the shadow of His wings as He mothers us? Can we laugh from our guts and “not worry about tomorrow”?
There is great power and freedom when we stop relying on our own responsibility in the day-to-day. This is true surrender. Truly “walking in the Spirit.” And oh how He must grieve when we take upon our shoulders the weight of our world instead of laughing like a child, knowing He really is trustworthy to care of us!
I dearly love my boys. I did the very best I could with what I knew back then. And now I get to pray. Pray that they will UNlearn how to be overly self-reliant and responsible and remember how to become like that innocent little child that just trusts. And laughs!